Me and My Pal Suicide

In high school I didn't learn much, I mean I don't remember much.

Yes I can tell you that a^2 + b^2 = c^2 or that sentences must be punctuated. 

But the one thing I really remember from high school and I mean vividly remember. 

Is the unwanted stares and wondering eyes from lonely boys in my classes.  

I remember when my friend told me he was going to kill himself that night, in mid melt down

I pulled him into the hall to talk and all he had to say wasn't even words at all. 

I remember wearing tighter clothes just so I had a reason to suck my stomach in. 

I remember when my first love broke up with me because I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. 

I remember when every other boy I dated broke up with me after I finally gave them something. 

I remember when the next boy I fell in love with told me he didn't want me for sex or anything but just because he was in love with me

and I shut down because all I ever knew from boys was wants that ended in me feeling more and more hatred towards myself. 

I remember my best friend of 8 years not responding to my texts. 

Nobody told me that A couple empty pill bottles and a towel soaked in her blood were what was left behind. 

I remember the very first time I used a razor in the worst way. 

It was my sophomore year. 

I remember the thousands of times that followed. 

I remember every single one of my therapists faces. 

The look they gave me when I told them I wasn't strong enough. 

I remember crying out the words goodbye to my best friend a hundred times. 

Its funny because in high school I actually learned a lot, but it wasn't from my teachers. 


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