Numb.
All I feel is numb. 
The panic and the fear

But I know you are with me.
I can feel you all around me.
as illogical 
and unknowing as it could be.
I can feel that you are with me. 

I can’t explain.
I just know. 

So many things in heaven and earth
that we don’t know
that we can’t know
​​​​​​​in this lifetime. 

Oh, so many things.
I wish I had told you.
Before you died.

You weren’t just human,
you were the best of us. 

And I know you made mistakes.
But to me you were a hero. 

You inspired me. 
to do better,
​​​​​​​to be better. 

I wish I could have been there for you.
When you were fighting that demon
When you were fighting the wolf. 

I was too young to understand. 
That all the while you were smiling
and holding my hand
you were suffering. 

Instant love
it was when we first met.
I barely remember it now.
But I remember how I felt.
I had finally come home to rest. 

You never forget how a person makes you feel.

Never.  

I felt the warmth,
the care,
the love. 
I still feel it from time to time
whenever you hang around. 

It feels like a warm blanket
draped over my shoulders
keeping me safe 
​​​​​​​from all harm. 

And I don’t know what I believe,
​​​​​​​but I know that I believe in YOU. 

I don’t hate you for the mistakes you made. 
I love you for the person you were.
And I hope that wherever you are,
​​​​​​​you are free and happy. 

Watch over me
Keep me safe
May we meet again.