Sun, 04/03/2016 - 03:35 -- NZMummy


United States
40° 6' 7.578" N, 76° 20' 46.9032" W



the door shuts behind me


my truth sticks in my throat 


here behind my walls i am real,

i am broken,

here behind my walls i struggle with feelings unspoken,


here i don’t pretend

to foe or to friend…


here the mask 

comes off.  (gesture)


out there i walk with lies in my pockets

i dish them out to all who asks ‘How are you?’ 

I smile and say ‘i’m good’ (big smile)

…but my heart is breaking - I smile and say ‘i’m fine’

…but inside me it is aching so bad …


out there I am ‘Happy Barbie’ 


broadly smiling 

always beguiling

never crying

ever denying…the truth of my heart


out there my veneer of pretence sticks to me, 

it makes me shine like plastic…

i wear my plastic barbie smile


but in here behind my walls i wear my house clothes

my hat of fear 

my shoes of shame

my scarf of guilt

my coat of pain


Merciful Adonai, 

to You I cry

as peace that passes understanding passes me by


you strip away the veneer

you see beyond the mask



(C) Elizabeth Herr 2016

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