I never saw the point of hiding

Something that was right there

For all the world to see: who I

Was. I didn’t want to bury it deep

Inside where it would die. So I

Left it out for the world to see.

 

I lived in a world of isolation

Because I let the world know

Who I really was. I didn’t pretend

To smile or laugh or cry. I didn’t

Pretend to be perfect or beautiful.

I refused to pretend at all.

 

It was a lonely existence, but I

Didn’t care who was around me.

I was company enough. There was

So much going on inside that

Sometimes I couldn’t remember

To breathe or eat or sleep.

 

There would be moments when

The loneliness became suffocating

And I ached for a friend or two.

But that would all pass in

The blink of an eye and I would

Be right back where I was before.

 

But that didn’t last for long. The

Loneliness was stifling but the

World was worse. People wanted

Me to be who they wanted,

Not who I really was. And there

Was no way to escape them.

 

It didn’t matter that I liked myself.

The world didn’t like me. So I was

Beaten down, bloodied and bruised

And forced into a Mask that

Hid who I was inside and slowly

Destroyed what the world despised.

 

The Mask stung and itched and

I wanted to rip it off but I couldn’t

Because if I did parts of me would

Go with it and then I’d be lost forever.

The Mask was chewing me up

And spitting me out.

 

The Mask began to eat at who

I was because it had to remake

Me into what the world wanted:

A cookie cutter person who

Fit into their simple definitions

And never stepped out of line.

 

But I didn’t want to fit a mold.

I didn’t want to change who I

Was. I was happy being

Alone and isolated and so I

Fought the Mask with all of the

Energy I could muster.

 

For a while, I succeeded. By gritting

My teeth and biting my cheek the

Fake smile became dimmer and the

Glass eyes lost their glimmer. The

Plastic cheeks lost their shine and

The Mask began to crack.

 

But then the Mask fought back.

The cracks began to pinch and tear

Into my skin. The smile stretched

Wider and the eyes became burning

Coals. My teeth began to rot from being

Clenched tight so I took a breath.

 

And the Mask tightened its grip

I began to slip faster away

From who I had been. I lost all of

The ground I had held and the Mask

Began to become me. I was too

Weak to continue fighting.

 

With the Mask protecting me I continued

Living. With the fake smile firmly in place

People gravitated to my side, recognizing

A kindred spirit in the plastic that hid

Who I had been. No one asked what

Was hidden behind the Mask.

 

Even those who knew me before

Were unable to distinguish the new

From the old me. The Mask became

So engrained within me that we were

One and the same. Two beings in one

Body, fighting for dominance.

 

Sometimes I would be winning and the

Mask would crack a little bit wider and

The smile would seem a little less real

But it came in increments so small that

even I couldn’t tell if It was real or if I

Was just giving myself false hope.

 

Then it happened. The world began

To change. People across the globe

Tore off their Masks and showed their

Hidden faces to the sun. They embraced

Who they were and shunned the mold

The world had forced them into.

 

I tried to join the celebration and throw

My Mask to the ground but I couldn’t

Bring myself to rip the plastic from my

Skin. I was unsure who I had been

Before the Mask, and the fear of the

Unknown stayed my hand.

 

So I let myself stay hidden behind the

Lies the world had forced upon me

Years before and I let that fear control

Who I was. I began to despair that

I would never really escape and that

The world would forever define me.

 

I couldn’t sleep or eat or drink and some

Days it was hard to breathe- harder than

It had been in the days of loneliness. I was

Letting anxiety eat my stomach and distress

Guide my heart. I was afraid of giving up

The fear I had lived with for so long.

 

So I ran away from what I had known for

Years and I began to clench my teeth again.

The breathing became easier and the

Cracks in the Mask widened. I was alone

In the world but I wasn’t lonely because I

Was surrounded by people like me.

 

We were all fighting the Masks controlling who

We were. We made slow progress and the

Cracks became wider and the glass eyes

Popped out and the plastic cheeks rotted

Away. One by one we seperated who we

Used to be from whom the world created.

 

The day I removed chunks of the Mask the

World brightened, food tasted good again

And I could see clearly. The definitions of the

World had fallen away and I no longer had to

fear that the Mask would suffocate me.

I was finally free.

 

Pieces of the mask are still in place and it

Will probably never be completely gone but

Now I know that I am not alone. There are

People all around me fighting against the

Masks of the world. I am not alone.

And I can win.