Loving You
Dear my lover,
Your whispers slither out of your mouth
Like a snake.
Each one striking at me,
Puncturing a hole
Through my wall of self confidence.
Your ability to hide behind a mask
That only I can see through
Makes you dangerous.
But not to others.
To everyone else you are
Smiles and hugs that make them feel at home.
To everyone else you are warm socks out of a dryer.
But to me.
Your words sting,
Like a hot shower does when I’m sunburned
Your disapproving nods
Peel each layer of me apart,
Until there’s nothing left to pull at.
Your silence is unsteady,
Wrapping me up like a blanket
And then suffocating me.
With each sunrise.
A new version of you appears.
Unlike a sunrise though,
I don’t know what to expect.
A loving person,
whose company I could bask in like the sun.
Or,
Should I expect the version of you
That hates everything I am.
The smile you used to say brightens the room
Now irritates you because,
I “Can’t be that happy”.
Each day with you is like
Spinning in circles
And then trying to walk a straight line.
Like Walking a tightrope
Above a pit of sharks at dusk.
Loving you has brought me joy
And pain
But loving you has brought me the strength
To put myself first.
To leave you.