Love's Trial Equals Life's Pain

Sun, 08/31/2014 - 14:03 -- wdrew

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Trapped in the shadow of my own mother's past Want to be better but feel I'll always finish last I'm a sixteen year old with a stomach full of life Looked upon as a mistake that does wrong and never right

My mother had me when she was only fifteen My father took one look and said, "Mine, couldn't be" He said any child of his couldn't be as small as I So anytime I think of "Daddy", all I can do is cry

The one and only man that I prayed that I could trust Turned out to be the first to not love, but give me up My mother always said his hands were never to himself But no one ever heard her when she tried to call for help

Yeah it's true my mom was tricked and abused But I wont come that close to being hurt or used The sad thing about that statement, is I'm already there I've been hurt once again but this time I'm scared

When I tell you this secret you must not speak it to a soul That's because it's so painful that it probably shouldn't be told You see this baby that I bare, is at more risk then you'd imagine Doctor's say if he's born negative then there's a blessing happening

So I prayed every night, until the day that he was born Hoping the mistake of his father would not leave him scorned When the day finally comes I hold my son extremely close Until the doctor comes to tell me the life changing results

I'm praying for my son and hope an angels watching over Look him in his eyes and whisper, "You're my little soldier" As he wraps his little hand fully around one of my fingers A tear traces down my cheek as i wait, and still wonder

As I hear the door opening, my heart starts to pound I want to hear what's said so no one makes a sound As the doctor comes forth, his clipboard in hand I look him dead in his eyes and the results I demand

He looks me face to face and says, "I'm sorry ma'am" Before he finishes his sentence I grasp my sisters hand He says, "The baby in your arms has a short time to live, The test came back in, and I'm sorry but it reads positive"

I ask, "How long does he have because I've already grown to love" He says, "Approximately thirty minutes because he was also low on blood" As the doctor leaves the room, my eyes fill with tears And I think to myself, This is one of my biggest fears

To hold my very own child close up to my heart But have limited time because I know we'll soon part Twenty minutes past and his breathing slows down I look to the lord and pray somehow he stays around

Five more minute past and now his motion begins to stop I don't want to lose my child but at least he'll be with god His last few moments to live are spent with me nose to nose Though he's dying in my arms I refuse to let him go

The last few moments have just flown by, and now, he's gone But I'll no longer cry, because he's now gone home I will not frown upon the fact that he's no longer here But I will rejoice and be happy because my voice he got to hear

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