LOVE.LIVE.LIFE
As I inhale and exhale and I feel my heartbeat, I know that I am LIFE.
When I die, will it matter that I don't desire a husband, that I prefer a wife?
Should it really matter that I am not what I appear to be?
To me, all that matters is that I fully experience what we all deserve: glee.
This beautiful force called LIFE connects me to everything living worldwide,
Tell me, why should I fit into this false image of perfection, be forced to hide,
Who I am, based on information that we were programmed to believe?
LOVE is within us, it is ours to retrieve!
We call this the United States, the sweet land of liberty and yet,
We care more about divisive nonsense; hate separates, we tend to forget.
In fact, there are so many optical illusions, making lies more appealing,
Than discovering the truth, which is pure LOVE and revealing.
I am proud to say that my LIFE is exactly the way that it needs to be,
I LOVE who I am, even if that means you disapprove of my LIFEstyle or take pity on me.
To be rather candid, I could care less about what the critics have to say,
Christina Aguilera sang it best, "you know, you're only throwing empty words my way!."
Majority of people pretend to LIVE, just fake it, afraid to be what they truly are,
I know, because I used to lie to myself and now that I don't, I've come so far.
I may be the minority and yes, I believe in personal freedom, love and truth
Like Maya Angelou, still I rise, despite fear, injustice, prejudice, hate, I am living proof,
That in the end, it doesn't even matter whom you happen to LOVE
Living my one LIFE to the fullest matters, a present to me from my Creator above.
The air that fills my lungs is unconditional LOVE, it doesn't care about my sexuality,
It gives me LIFE right now, allowing me to function, it is a privilege, this is reality.
The path that I walk is not for the faint of heart,
There have been times when I have nearly fallen apart.
Believing in all the negative knowledge I was fed,
Going against my true nature, conforming, spiritually dead.
I was fourteen when my best friend and grandma Eyvonne died
I can admit I wanted and tried to commit suicide,
I thought that taking my LIFE would make the pain of losing her subside.
Just like my mother, she knew my story within
She knew that I was different, she could care less, we were kin,
She told me to follow my heart and that LOVE is not a sin.
I'm not Ralph Ellison, however, many years after she died, I felt like the invisible man,
Tired of dying inside and lying to myself, I had the awakening, like Kate Chopin.
So done trying to fit in with everyone around me,
Once I came out in college, I was no longer caged, Jenn's LOVE found me.
I allowed myself to suffer for years trying to fight the truth: I'm gay
Always knowing in my heart, that I was born this way.
It's odd to LIVE in this beautiful land of the free, home of the brave
Where I can't marry the woman I LOVE in every single state, it is as if I am a slave
Without rights, still, I smile, because I am so much more than what meets the eye
I'm returning to the University of Houston next month, college isn't cheap, I have to apply
Myself, unlock my heart, share my story, and hope that I reach you
Show you that LOVE is all around you, inside you and me, let me teach you!
See, happiness is not a material object you can purchase from a store,
It lies within your soul, it is never too late to recover self-love from your internal reservoir.
I combat ignorance with love, and I simply grin and laugh when people say
Things like, "Oh, come on Monique, you're too pretty to be gay!"
"You have to marry a man, you weren't raised that way!"
"Don't let a few bad men take you away from the rest!"
"Surely going to church will make you change your LIFEstyle, you know, for the best!"
"Why be with a woman who dresses like a boy?!"
"You probably had a bad experience, so now you're playing with women, like a toy!"
Hearing all this shit over the years became quite discouraging,
I remembered one thing, these people don't know me; finally, these statements were encouraging! :)
Appearances can make someone believe what is not true: deception
All of these comments are simply what people think about me: perception
If I choose to believe
In the nonsense they perceive,
Then part of me dies
Believing in lies.
Last weekend my father's mom, looked me dead in my eyes,
Shrieking "no fags or dykes in my family!" My kindness and positivity killed her, what a surprise!
Hollering that she doesn't want me to burn in the eternal flame,
Attempting to transfer her negativity, misery and fear onto me, what a shame!
Casting her personal beliefs towards me painfully, the whole family was around,
Little did she know, when throw dirt, you tend to lose ground.
There was so much hatred, misunderstanding, and fear in her eyes,
I can't be upset, it wasn't her fault she was raised believing lies.
What did not demolish me
Simply polished me
Just as the beautiful india.arie
Once said now the clearer I can see
And at that moment, despite the tears that were free falling down my face
I knew I was experiencing God's spirit with me, I remained calm, full of love and grace
I instantly forgave her
Despite her behavior
No, I wasn't afraid to walk away
I do not condone any form of abuse, there was need for me to stay
I LOVE myself so much more
I LOVE my LIFE, I truly adore
Being in LOVE, because nothing is guaranteed
LOVE is all we need.
I will no longer be defined by what someone else believes that I should be
Their opinions are simply their personal belief system and honestly
Knowing others is awesome, but true freedom lies in knowing thyself,
I read a quote and it said I am smarter, braver, and stronger than I look and to trust myself.
I know that my name means advisor and I am here to spread light,
I have a smile on my face now as a continue to recite
This LOVELY tale of my life, sharing with you my highs and lows
Janet Jackson said it best, "that's the way LOVE goes."
I feel in my heart that this piece will touch a few, that's plenty, or not, who knows?
What I do know is that LOVE is patient, caring and kind,
Anyone who says LOVE is the opposite is lying or spiritually blind.
No, it is not always sunshine, sometimes it's foggy and it may rain,
You have to make LOVE work, no input, no gain.
Though disappointments may arise
As soon as you look into their eyes,
You suddenly realize
That it is no surprise
That this beautiful person came into your LIFE,
And you'll stick with him or her until the end of time, battle any form of strife.
I've always known that I was unique, smarter than my peers,
People have oftent told me that I am wise beyond my years.
Yet my insecurity set in and due to all of the knowledge in my brain,
I believed that being gay would end me, so the real me, I tried to contain.
For many reasons, people eliminate themselves from the Earth
The struggle of LIFE was too much to bear, they searched but found no self-worth
I was almost oneof them and I am so blessed
That I chose LIFE, now I love, and I can express
Who I am and hope that it could shed some light and brighten your spirit
I know that it is touching me as I say it aloud, I feel it, can you hear it?
If we LOVED ourselves more
We could LOVE one another or
At least try to see that there is a blessing in every moment,
We are all living creatures, down to every microscopic component.
It is okay to be who you want to be, even if people don't agree,
Look at me, I made it, and as long as I have LOVE around me, the rest is irrelavent to me.
Guide that inspired this poem: