he said, "why do you expect me to love you

if you can't even love yourself?"

so many unspoken thoughts

coursing through my mind

words i can never speak

constantly betrayed by my eyes

 

who is he to judge

he doesn't even know

six months i rebuilt myself

just to watch everything go back up in smoke

 

i want to tell him

that it's just not that easy

that i've tried multiple times before

but my soul is broken

no matter how much tape i use

pieces will always remain on the floor

 

i want to tell him

that at one point

i thought i was okay

six months in treatment

i thought i had finally found a way

but that's all there is to it

false illusions of hope

and once you get out

you realise you aren't fixed

you'll alway be broke

 

i want to tell him

that it isn't my choice

i was raised with the belief

that i don't deserve to be loved

six months in treatment

i thought that had finally changed

my therapist convinced me it wasn't true

and promised that she was here

forever to stay

i want to tell him

about how it was just a lie

how she never called after i left

and never answered mine

 

how does he expect me to love myself

when no one will take the time to love me?