I'm laying on the table,

Cold,

Uncomfortable,

Stiff,

A brush of cold wetness on my knee,

It has a harsh smell,

He counts,

5,4,3,2......uurrrrggghhhh,

I feel it,

The needle,

Piercing through the skin,

Traveling into my knee,

It stings,

Tears form in my eyes,

But they stay there,

I clench my teeth,

He tells me he'll be back in 5 minutes,

Then it will be numb,

I calm down,

I know i have some time,

5 minutes fly by,

As if it were 2 seconds,

He's back,

He's putting on white gloves,

My heart starts to race,

I know what's coming,

I start to shake,

I cant stop,

Tears are pouring down my face,

He didn't even start yet,

He starts explaining what's going to happen,

I don't hear him,

All i can hear is the pounding of my heart,

He's about to start,

I see the needle,

Its about 6 inches long!,

What if it goes thru my knee,

To the other side!?,

I feel it go into my knee,

I start screaming,

Cursing,

Raging,

He tells me to be quiet,

That I will scare other patients,

I think "good",

They should be scared,

I feel the needle inside my knee,

My knee is supposed to be numb,

It feels really weird in my knee,

It's pushing against my knee cap,

My heart feels like it will pound right out of my chest,

This is the most painful thing i have ever endured,

He injects a cortisone shot into my knee,

All i can feel is pain,

He takes out the huge needle,

It looks a bit bent out of shape,

I'm allowed to sit up,

I look at me knee,

It has blood on it,

It's brown from the disinfectant,

My tears dry up,

I'm told i can't walk on it for two days,

I cant walk on it anyway,

It hurts to much,

I'm helped to the bathroom,

I lock the door,

I put down the toilet seat and sit,

I start crying again,

I sit there bawling for 5 minutes,

Tears pouring out of my eyes,

I hear people talking outside,

They're talking about me,

I don't want to hear,

I flush the toilet to drown out the talking,

I go to the mirror,

Wipe off my tears,

And on a fake half smile,

I walk out,

They help me to the car,

I tell myself i will never endure that again,

I feel as if i would rather die,

I would never tell anyone,

I'm supposed to be strong,

And although every time i tell myself,

I could never go through it again,

I do,

I have to,

I have no choice,

4 months later,

i have to go through all that again,

until they hopefully find a medicine,

that actually works.