Dear last year, 

I am sorry 

I am sorry for the things I say about you

I call you the worst, I spit on your image

I carve out your memories as though they are wax I am widdling 

To nothing. 

You shoved me through the rain because you assured me there was a rainbow

On the other side

I found no rainbow

And I blamed you

I blamed you for myself, for what I had become as if I had reason

As if you were the one making me into something unrecognizable. 

You carved tired lines into my eyes 

You stained tears onto my cheeks 

You did not relent 

Not once 

And I blamed you 

I blamed you for making a year into a monster for making that monster 

Me. 

I am sorry 

I am sorry I said those things about you 

I am sorry I sat in the rain and cried so hard through my eyes, that 

I could not see the rainbow 

You widdled me to nothing 

So I called you the worst 

You set trials up I could not conceive 

So I spit on your image

You rebuilt me 

Not into a monster 

But into a girl with a deep grasp on the beautiful world she has

Into someone who laughs despite the stench of life

I praise you 

I praise you for showing me that it takes 

Almost breaking 

To strengthen the whole

- With my deepest gratitude, JNRB