to you,

 

forgive me.

i've avoided writing this letter

for reasons adding to thousands

though i must admit that i hate giving you the power to say that you control my every thought

yet the hardest thing i have to do every single day is tell myself to stop loving you

i've attempted to explain how you are the feeling that i struggle to write about

that you are the emotion i cannot describe

but i have sat in silence for years because i know you're wrapped around his finger

 

loving you is the hardest fight i've ever endured

you have me in a chokehold

and i know i should tap out

but part of me doesn't want this match to end

because i'll lose

and i can't lost you

 

i tell you that i love you every day

and you say you love me too

but what you fail to understand is that i love you the way you love him

because, to me, you are the tree rooted in my soul that spreads its roots through every aching vein in my body

to me, you are the abusive taste of the piercing fireball that burns the back of my throat

to me, you are the luminous star that every poet dreams of on lonely nights

to me, you are the sunset that drips gold over the pacific ocean

 

to me, you are my everything

and i am so in love with you

 

so, forgive me.

forgive me for falling for you.