It’s said that you only really appreciate something when it’s gone

It’s a cliché, I know, but I can’t tell you how real that is

Especially when it’s something you’ve never even had

I can’t say much,

I’ve grown up with a wealthy mom

In nice neighborhoods

Protected by my white skin

But all the advantages in the world couldn’t have saved me from the depression that seeped in

It showed up at my front door sometime in 5th grade

A crying kitten seeking refuge from a raging storm

I let it in out of pity, and fed it quiet thoughts till it grew self-righteous and angry

As the years past the storm continued to grow around me

Till at one point it became a hurricane

I was left alone, staring at the eye of my torment

With only the kitten clinging desperately to me

It wailed to the point of making me want to jump into the waves the

Hurricane created, the ones I refused to fight,

I resisted until I couldn’t

The day I found myself in a mental ward after trying to drown in those waves

I decided to tame the lion in disguise

I learned to appreciate the things I had

And struggled not being jealous of what I knew could never be

I stopped looking outwards to others

And started looking within myself to find the strength

To build myself a boat so I could stop drowning

It didn’t happen over night

Hell, it didn’t even happen in a year

I’m still building that boat, patching holes

Making it stronger

I’ve since tamed that lion into submission

But there are still days where it rears its malicious head

On those days I wish the waves had taken me

And that I hadn’t clawed my way out of them

Yet, I’m grateful for it

The lion brought to light the things

(and people)

That were casting shadows in my life

It also made me look for things to heal its vicious bite

Things that led me to people that showed me the world

Wasn’t all darkness and thunderstorms

The lion made me doubt myself,

But also made my accomplishments all that sweeter

I can’t say if I was to go back

I would let that little cub in

Even if it has made me a kinder and more empathetic person

Depression and time have taught me

How to be strong

How to be independent

How to survive the unthinkable

How to love myself

I will always carry the chips they made on my shoulder

Yet the fire within will always burn the walls I put up

No matter how bleak the hurricane makes the world seem

I’m building my boat stronger every day;

Life is worth living,

I see it in everything and everyone that I love