last october

last october

english class

our gaze meets

you smile and turn away

this moment, haunting my thoughts for days on end

I twist everything I've heard you say 

making myself believe you like me

I doubt you know my name

what I look like

that you have a class with me

yet every morning I do my makeup with you in mind

not accepting the fact I won't receive a milisecond of your attention



I see you lock hands with her

you smile at each other 

she's happy

you're happy

I am not



I get ready and suppress longing thoughts 

a tear falls onto the countertop

I pretend not to see you in class

hoping you'll maybe see me


I am three things


for ever letting you alter who I wanted to be 

falling behind

on all the english work you've made me lose track of 

and happy

happy for you 

happy for her 





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