I dream of the day when I leave
Knowing I can finally feel myself
To know my past is behind me

Now though.. I feel nothing
I fake a smile so no one asks
I hold back tears so no one wonders

I feel numb all over
My thoughts race till they explode
Knocking me out a quarter till twelve

Yelling.. That's all I hear
Feeling worthless
That I can never be good enough for my mother

There's another yell
I hold back everything; my anger, my tears, my thoughts, all emotions
I grow cold and numb pushing my thoughts back hoping I don't snap finally

The next day comes and I feel unrested
I hold back everything
Faking my smile so no child worries
Only to break down silently in the bathroom

I refuse to let anyone look me in the eyes
Clearing my throat so I sound normal
I close my eyes and try to remember my happy days

The evening repeats feeling like it'll never end
I sit alone thinking, listening to my music wishing things would change
If no change then just disappear

I text my friends hoping they answer
When none do my hopes of feeling happy or peace are shattered
Feeling as if they want nothing to do with me

Feeling as if no one wants to deal with me
The ugly duckling in the family
The annoying classmate that people just tolerate

I cry silently at night
Trying to block out the suicide thoughts
Wanting to tell someone, but being afraid of judge meant
Afraid of going back to the hospital

"No one cares" "Your worthless" "Their just pretending to be your friend"
So many more negative thoughts enter my mind
All I want to do is yell and scream thinking it'll destroy the negative
I know it won't though

I finally pass out from exhaustion
A quarter to twelve
Knowing my battle with depression, anger, anxiety and suicidal thoughts will never end