I lay with his tie flapping in my face.
I close my eyes to take the pain away.
He tells me it'll only happen this once,
but I know now that is a lie.
As that is what he said last time.
I used to beg him to stop,
but now I just lay back, and go to my place in my mind.
He is above me, his face turning red with pleasure,
while my tiny one turns pale with pain.
I think of today at recess,
when I got in trouble for showing my affection the way he taught me.
I just want the other children to like me.
But as I try to rub them the way he has taught me,
they scream, and I am in trouble.
I do not know why it feels so harsh when he touches me.
He said he is teaching me to be a woman.
He holds my wrists tight,
and he doesn't look in my face.
When he is done,
he looks in my eyes and cries.
I hold him,
telling him it's okay I love him.
I will protect him.
10 years later, I lie on my bed.
He tells me it'll only happen one more time.
He tells me it's my fault,
I have always seduced him.
I was an evil child.
His tie flaps in my face.
I close my eyes,
and think back to yesterday.
When I got so drunk at a party I passed out.
They took pictures of me naked.
Sent them around my school.
over, and over.
Now I carry the shame.
Of secrets to heavy to keep.
They say I deserve it for getting drunk at a party.
What they don't realize is I drink to hide my secret.
The one I keep burried deep.
To protect the ones who told me I shouldn't speak.
I guess I was born to take the abuse.
To keep quiet so others,
won't take the heat.
I am just an animal,
who deserves it, after all.