It's Hard to Feel Flawless

You know it's hard to feel flawless when you've been where I've been, and seen what I've seen, and done what I've done. When I got in trouble as a kid I used to shrink in fear until I was nothing but a little thimble rolling around under the desk and I couldn't look my dad directly in the eye and I couldn't say a word. But to tell you the truth I still do that. It's hard to feel flawless when you're just a thimble.

And when I used to scratch lines in my forearm with a sewing needle, because I didn't have the guts to use a razor or a knife, I can tell you I definitely didn't feel so flawless then either. But I'll cut myself some slack because my heart was hurting too damn much, I needed something else to take on the burden of my pain for a little while. The blood didn't help, though, because it only made me numb. Is it possible to be numb and flawless? Flawlessly numb?

I always hated those stories where some guy comes out of nowhere and sweeps a girl off her feet and all her problems are solved, so I solved my own just in time for Charming to come around. I started to tell myself things weren't my fault and I took more walks and I made new friends and ran like hell from the old ones who had made me that way and for some brief moments in time, I felt kind of wonderful. I was still flawed but flaws aren't always bad if they make you who you are. It was hard to feel flawless, but I started to consider it.

When Charming came along I felt like gold. He cooks for me and takes care of me when I'm sick and brags about me to his friends and when he holds me in his arms, it's easy to feel flawless.

I used to let my past define me, to make me feel like trash, it was when I let that go that I could finally be free, to be flawless, to be me.

This poem is about: 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741