Losing someone is hard, everyone knows that. 

It is especially hard when that someone is your father.

You think they are yours to have forever, but in the blink of an eye they are gone. 

Before he was taken from me my life was so perfect, it was almost unreal. 

My days were filled with laughter, joy, and endless love. 

But, on that day my world came crashing down and i changed.

I was never going to be that happy-go-lucky little girl again.

i saw my oldest brother break down completely, sobbing on the stairs, and I looked into his eyes but i didn't see him, I don't know if it was because he wasn't really there mentally, or if I just couldn't take seeing my big brother broken.

My other brother was even worse. He became so physically and mentally ill that to this day our relationship is severed. I was so young, but I could still understand that my brother was gone, and I felt like i lost him too.

I remember my Mom on the floor begging for God to help her. I don't like to think about this much because it was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. My mother is a gift and I realized that so much more after losing my Dad.

From then on, everything was different. 

My family isn't close, we don't like to talk about our problems anymore because it was like beating a dead horse after a while. 

There's no more playing games, watching movies, family vacations, or eating dinner together. 

I miss watching Gargoyles with my brothers at 11 p.m. eating Chips Ahoy cookies.

I miss going fishing with my Dad and uncle.

I miss putting up the Christmas Tree as a family.

I miss having pancakes every Sunday morning.

I miss my Dad always taking the long way home.

I miss not having to worry about the bad things in life and only seeing the good.

Through all of this, I lost everything I loved and cared about, and my family has been changed forever. 

But, one thing that wasn't taken, but recieved, was my strength. 

My strength is what keeps me going everyday, and keeps me fighting. My strength helps me to open up to my brothers and really talk to them. My strength pushes me to do my best to make my Mom proud. My strength lets me help others who haven't discovered their own yet. My strength helped me realize that love is in the heart, and can be felt from anywhere.

That day took everything from me, but left me with the only thing I needed, my strength.