Coping mechanisms have increased
Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder
Relapses from what I once was
From what I once did

I begin to sob, searching for anything remotely sharp
I discover an old safety pin, and my eyes light up with immense satisfaction
This will be my tool to pause the thoughts
Stop them just enough for me to sleep

So I dig, dig into the unknown
Line after line, cut after cut
Suddenly, my canvas becomes colorful
I sit; I watch the red trickle down, it’s beautiful, my masterpiece

My old method of transforming pain as a sleeping pill has resurfaced
I begin to get doze in and out of consciousness
No longer am I thinking; no longer am I hurting
Numb

When I reawaken, thoughts are there once again
The bed sheets graze past my arm, and memories flood
Aftermath from my previous doings causing me immense pain
What have I done?

The anxiety, the depression, it’s suffocating me
I pop the pills as prescribed, no relief
So I become an actress during the day
Fooling everyone

I smile, I laugh, I label myself as lazy
Anything to mask the truth
An invisible sickness
“How are you, girl?”… “Amazing, how are you?”