I'm still here
dear Ivan,
you promised me the world
and left me with nothing
when I would have been happy with just a city
or something
you couldn't go big
so you just went home
but I loved you so much
and was scared to be alone
but you just gave up
and I had to walk away
I had to separate myself from every promise you'd ever made
every sweet nothing you'd ever said,
I had to accept that those were all dead
every part of you I'd ever felt
I had to un-feel so my heart wouldn't melt
every hug
every date
every kiss
every plate of food I couldn't eat
because I was too excited to be with you
it's all gone now
you're all gone now
but I'm still here
and I don't know what to do or where to go
with all of these beautiful memories that bring me so much pain
because I want to reminisce
and be grateful for what we had
but I keep remembering how you poured all my feelings down the drain
I don't know what to do with all these things that remind me of you
They just remind me how much I miss you
And long to be in your arms again
But I hate you for the pain you put me through
Do I hate the memories too?
I don't know how to feel
Or what to think
Or why any of this is real
the reason you forgot what we had
to me, it will never be clear
All I know is that you're gone now
But I'm still here.
-Sophia.