I'm (not) sorry

At the age of 5, I was taught what was acceptable as a female and what wasn't

Acceptable: apologizing, not acceptable: talking back

Mija cierra tus piernas, Close your legs! I'm sorry ma

Asi no se sienta una mujer, that's not how a lady sits! I'm sorry ma

A lady cleans the house, they don't laze around, I'm sorry tia

I was taught by my own mother to always apologize to males or else they'll harm you,

Oh no, she never sat me down, but when he was drunk she apologized for thinking he was wrong

She apologized as he dragged her across the room, griping her scalp so hard I saw blood drip

"I'm sorry for talking to other men, I'm sorry!" she would cry out

When his brother took my innocence at age 7, I told him "I'm sorry for not being enough"

Trying to speak up didn't help so instead I said "I'm sorry for threatening you"

Speaking didn't help when I would get panic attacks so after I would say "I'm sorry for being a bother"

Talking didn't help when I attempted to kill myself so instead, I wrote "I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter"

Telling the taunting voices to stop didn't help so I gave in,

Slash after sash I would tell my body "I'm sorry for harming you instead of taking care of you"

But you know what? February 27th, 2014 I grew tired of apologizing.

I spoke up, I opened up about everything

Now I say "You should be sorry for making me believe I was at fault"

I no longer submit to males,

Because I am no longer afraid of what they could do to me.

I went through hell and back, and I'll be damned if I catch myself apologizing for something that's not my fault,

Especially if I make them uncomfortable with my presence or voice.

So no, I am not sorry for what I said, and I never will be.


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