If I slit open my wrist

What would I find?

Coconut water because they told me

It would make me thinner

 

When my friends and I go

Shopping we're thinking  of numbers

They think of money

I think of the size I pray I won't have to wear

 

I'm constantly full

But my stomache is empty

I'm full of the hate

I feel for my body

 

And the only time I think

I won't feel overweight

Is when I'm underweight and 

I forgot what it was to swallow

 

Skinny feels better than food tastes

But I've never felt skinny

Only tasted the scorn I see

In the eyes of boys who  see my fat

Hiding under my shirt

 

If my boyfriend tries to put his arms around my waist

I push him away

Because his arms don't reach around me

Twice

 

My stomache is a sea

rolling, rolling, rolling,

These waves that won't go away 

With crunches

 

I crave to be skinny,

I crave to feel good, 

I crave pizza,

I crave to be thin,

I crave love,

I crave icecream,

I crave to look like a supermodel,

But I'm too full of waters and crackers

To indulge myself