I'm Coming Down

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 14:46 -- jduffel


My quote is from the song “Coming Down” written by the hard rock band Five Finger Death Punch. The song is dramatically slower and more conserved than most other music written by this band, it’s melodic, and the lyrics coupled with the instrumental deliver a powerful message and sync together so perfectly it can send shivers down your spine.  I chose the song exclusively for that reason, because my personal narrative is, most-assuredly, about a time I’ll remember forever, but the thing is, I consider it one of the most painful and heartbreaking days of my life.

I remember the day so vividly, as if it were permanently etched into the inside of my eyelids. I actually woke up on time today and wide-awake on top of that, believe it or not. I was actually excited for school today because my Aunt Patti was going to wake up early just take me to school, just so I didn’t have to ride the bus. (She was the kind of person who wouldn’t wake up until I got home from school, so it meant a lot.)  Now you have to understand that this woman meant the world to me; from taking care of me as a child, to picking me up early from elementary school and even giving me my first job at twelve.  Patti and I were inseparable; we were best friends.  Anyhow, I woke up, wide-awake and ready to go.  I had my clothes all set out, my backpack zipped and ready to be taken.  Just to make it easier on her.  I put my Hooters shirt and bright-blue jeans on, along with my brand-new black and white Pumas.  Fully clothed and ready to go to school I decided to wake Aunt Patti up.  She was sleeping in the guest room with her beast-like monster of a dog.  This dog’s name was Blackie (most likely named after the color of his soul).  In his heyday, I’d wager him topping out at a thick 160 pounds; this dog was built like a tank, with the temperament of an extremely pissed grizzly bear. Yet, he was Patti’s baby.  Needless to say, I cracked the door and called Patti’s name.

After the eighth time or so I noticed a couple of drops of blood on the floor and the odd angle she was sleeping at.  I didn’t think that much of it because she fell asleep in strange positions on a nightly basis, but this morning was different.  Naturally, I got my mom up to have her give it a try.  The split-second I heard the anxiety in my mother’s voice, I knew exactly what was going on.  My only conceivable worst nightmare had come to fruition.  My best friend had died.  The woman who I’d idolized…my Aunt Patti was gone… forever.  I panicked at first, holding back tears, trying to keep my hopes up, watching as my mom coaxed the bastard dog out of the room, followed by picking her up with my dad (to try and resuscitate her…which was useless).  I finally broke when I saw the paleness in her face, the blue tint to her lips, the utter lack of life in her eyes. 

Everything went red.  I couldn’t tell you if it was because of all the tears flowing, literally flowing, from my face, or if it was from the volatile mix of emotions exploding from within me.  I knew a few things for sure:  I broke my hand on a door frame, I couldn’t stay in that house, and I saw my friends as my only sanctuary.  Surprisingly enough, the human brain finds a way to deal with a shock as bad as this.  That day, which I both treasure and abhor; I took upon this mindset, to take everything in stride, to look only for the silver lining in situations, and above all, to love entirely, laugh hardily and live wholly.

“It’s caving in around me, what I thought was solid ground.  I tried to look the other way, but I couldn’t turn around.   Its okay for you to hate me for all the things I’ve done.  I’ve made a few mistakes, but I’m not the only one.  Step away from the ledge. I’m coming down...”

I chose this quote because it explains perfectly what I felt:  My world crumbled beneath my feet.  What I thought would last forever, ended abruptly and far too soon.  I could only focus on the life that had just been taken from this world, instead of the positive aspects that come from this.  I pray every day that she is watching over me, protecting, and guiding me.  While I might screw up more often than not, I take comfort in the fact that I am a truly good person.  This has drawn me back from the dark place that I’ve visited more than once.  Line for line, the quote, I believe, is perfect for my life.

Guide that inspired this poem: 



One of the best songs buy five finger death punch of all time!

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