if you ever were a friend

I told myself that I’d rely on you forever.

For a long time.

I told myself that I needed you.


I was stuck

and addicted to your presence

your essence.


I pushed you away

and still I craved you

I needed you

I just didn’t know how to say it


I guess you realized something

You probably realized that you didn’t need me

the way I needed you

so you told me off

like I needed to be told off


I wanted to make amends because I secretly did need you

I secretly craved you even after the fact

Even after I dropped my emotions on the table

I let you see them, dissect them, taste them,

Breathe my fucking emotions


Even after all of that I wanted your presence

I wanted to have you in my grip, my



on the other hand

let me go and I deserved that


so here is a little message

a little note


short prose, if you will


I let you go as I write this

I give you up

I don’t need you anymore

I don’t crave you like I used to

I am free from myself, my need for destruction

I will not try again

I will not try to love you anymore



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