I Woke Up Like This
Location
Every time I wake up in the morning
I wake up prepared for war
I prepare to be demeaned, judged
For things I cannot change
Can change
Attempt to change
But never really change
I wash my scarred cheeks
Acne scars marked their territory years ago
Brush my
no-braces-having
had-braces-at-one-point
may-need-braces-again teeth
Beyoncé prominent
Because who better to wake up to
than the queen herself?
I wake up prepared for war.
I iron my size 18 jeans
focusing on the thighs twice the size of what they should be
The butt that could be more round
But took after my father’s side rather than my mother’s
Could be lifted
Maybe the gym isn’t such a bad idea
I grab the jacket that hides my arms
The one that covers my back oh so nicely
So no one sees the ridges and rolls
that ruined my high school experience for me
The one that the boys loved to lay me on in the dark
But never wanted to see in the daylight
I untwist the bantu knots that crown my face
Slightly wishing I still got the perms
That my mother so desperately put into my hair
I wake up prepared for the war
That I didn’t necessarily sign up to fight
The one I add fuel to daily
by being the carefree black girl
defiant in the method that I live my life by
Within the hour that I have been awake
I have fought battles inside my head
that no one can see but me
I have launched a thousand ships
eager to conquer
I woke up prepared for war.
My lipstick is a deadly weapon
Dark like the thoughts of my mind once were
Dark like the shadows that I can cast
with my undeniable power
My eyeliner
On fleek
The wings I draw
representing the wings that I desperately
used to wish I had
The ones that I acquired some time ago
I continue to prepare for war.
But there will never be a moment where my smile –
With its yellowing teeth
That chip in the front that’s too small to worry about
The pink lips that could stretch miles
The ones now burgundy with anticipation
The ones that get chapped in the winter air
if I leave my lip balm at home
That could warm a room to summertime temperatures
Even during the worst of winter storms
Is not on my face
Every morning is a new day to show the world my ambition, my hopes, my dreams
My shortcomings and my faults
There is not a moment where I do not thank the universe
For giving me everything I need
To be different
To be unconventionally beautiful
I wake up in the morning prepared for war
And I do it flawlessly.