I Thought Wrong
I love a bio textbook
When you open it for the first time.
Few people understand
The way the pages
Sparkle
And the spaces between the lines
Effervesce.
I loved and lived bio textbooks,
I greeted the paragraphs with passion,
And yet I remained unsatisfied.
I loved to dance
As much as I loved to breathe.
Few people appreciate
The pain
of looking
pretty
Hidden by deceptive satin
Of pink toe shoes.
I let ballet consume me,
But insatiability prevailed.
My mind was left in shambles,
Split between the two worlds -
And despite the A’s and the trophies
I was a shell of girl.
I ceased to laugh
But kept on crying
Not quite living
But not quite dying.
I gave up so much
For my so-called “success,”
I suffered immensely
In silent distress.
For months I sat and waited
For this mystery thing I need,
I collected a jar of tears,
And labeled it “my dreams.”
I thought I needed to keep
Going
Going
Going
To feel alive once again
I thought I needed to
Plan
Plan
Plan my future
To reach a happy end.
It turns out what I’ve been missing
To make my life worthwhile,
That all I really need is
The ambrosial simplicity of a smile.