i should've known

I should've known

when you fell in love with my bones

that it was a preview of how you'd leave me

an unfinished skeleton of what was meant to be a skyscraper

I should've known

when you traced the outline of my lips

that you were trying to weld them shut

laying bricks behind my teeth and installing immobile steel bars in my tongue

I should've known

that love was not composed of two parts insecurity, three parts threats

that peace of mind was not meant to be as durable as tissue paper

that when you told me I didn't look like a porn star

that I spoke with too much gusto, thought with too much passion,

that I laughed too hard, noticed too much

I wish someone had told me

that being "too much" was not a foundation for a colony of hate

it meant being ten times better than anything he could fit

in a two liter definition of womanhood

I should've known

that screaming silent prayers to the sky

with outstretched palms and empty eyes

could never solve my problems as well as I could

by lighting a fire in my soul and marching forward

I should've known

that, babe, it wasnt me that was too much

it was you who knew too little


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