I like sex. So what?

Guys are allowed to go around and talk about girls' butts.

But people judge my butt when I say I like to do things with my butt. But why?

I say screw the double standard so I talk about what I want when I want.

 

But what do I want?

 

I sleep around and say I don't cuddle or like emotions.

People say that I shouldn't live with my legs open.

But I still do who I want when I want (although I'm always safe)

But that's just the mask that I wear as my face.

 

My first love cheated on me. I found out through a friend.

After two years of random anxiety attacks and trust issues I fell in love again.

We were going to get married after college, we were together almost two years.

But 2 weeks into college he called and said he couldn't do long distance, I was in tears.

 

I cried myself to sleep every night, and I cried throughout the day.

But I never cried in front of anyone, I pretended I was okay.

In these two months of being single in college I've had sex with 9 different guys.

I said I didn't want emotions and just wanted fun, I was telling myself lies.

 

I wear this mask that says I'm fine.

I just realized it was a mask today, for the first time.

I thought it was who I really was, and I couldn't figure out why I felt so empty.

It was because everyone I loved left me.

 

But I'm taking off this stupid mask.

 

I'm letting myself feel heartbreak.

It really sucks but I need to learn how to feel these aches.

I can't just shut down and ignore these hurts

Because in the end it only made things worse.

 

My mask is gone and I know who I really am.

I'm done with all of my one-night stands.

I respect myself. I love myself. I'm single.

I'm focusing on school and friends and I don't need to mingle.

 

I don't need anyone to fill a missing part of me, because there's nothing missing.