Never a raised fist, only these three words

Spoken with so much passion and earnest that I tell myself they must be true

But these words aren't as soft as you say them

Because of these words, I have given up on hopes and dreams and hobbies

All my extracurriculars and friends have been flushed down the toilet

Crying myself to sleep every night because I can't open up to anyone

Because I love you too, and want so desperatly for you to keep saying it, over and over

But every time you do, every time you say those three piercing words

I search for comfort in them but only find another peice of my soul torn apart

I hope that they will fill this terrible ache of loneliness in me, and I tell myself that they do, they should

But in reality they only make it worse, and yet I still crave to hear them

Vainly, blindly hoping that things will change

You've led me to believe that your love is the only thing I have, only thing I need

But if that is so true, then what is this gaping hole inside me for?

Sucking in my emotions, my empathy and leaving me empty inside

You tell me how other people can have so much worse

Parents and lovers that leave them with bruises and broken bones

I know then that I should be grateful that we are nothing like that, so you say

But your words, hidden behind that sweetly poisonous phrase

Have me cutting my wrists, arms and legs

My heart is broken, bleeding shattered

I am nothing without you. I am nothing.

This is what your love has taught me

And its taken me years to realize that if this is love

Then the world has lied to me, in the cruelest way imaginable

Where are the butterflies in my stomach

Tickling my insides with nervous excitment and rapture

The flutter of my heart every time you wander into my thoughts

The hot blushes crawling up my face and neck when I think of our kisses

At the beginning this was true, but now my mind is dull and blank

And my stomach rolls and clenches, sick and empty

Because I am never well enough to eat

And you love it that I am finally losing weight

Which is something you've brought to my attention

As well as many other flaws I didn't know I had

Because you love me, and want to help me fix them

And now I can't stand to look in the mirror

Because all I see is what I've heard you say

I'm so tired, and you are the only bed in sight

Covered in soft, decieving velvet as it pulls at my bleeding skin

My hands get stuck, and I think I've freed them

Only to realize that it's wrapped around my throat instead

My air is cut off, my lungs are screaming and I cry

Drowning myself, all alone

Finally cutting my own throat, the sweet relief of air rushing in

The blood seeping out is the price I pay, and I cut deeper

This payment becomes it's own reward as my vision fades to black

No longer wholly absorbed in seeing only you

At times I consider taking my own life

Because everyone says the life after this is a paradise

Though some say to go there purposefully is a sin

And I will be thrust down into the eternal fire and brimstone of Hell

So I change my mind

But occasionally I will look at you

And in this prison where I am kept tight within your arms, and wonder

Could Hell really be worse then this?