I hate the silence.
I hate the silence
it is one of the scariest times
because it causes me to be vulnerable
A kind of vulnerable when I have no choice but to be real with myself
and there is no one to tell me i’m great,
and no one that says they love me
but i am left, in the silence, with my own self deprecating thoughts and insecurities
and when it's silent i have time to think
about how i wish my body were different
and how i wish my personality was different.
and when it's silent
there is time for me to cry
and time for me to let the pain of everything i’ve been holding come crashing in.
when it's silent the world feels as though it's come to a stop
and that i’m alone
and no one understands that I am not strong
and i need someone to help me feel good again.
when it's silent my monsters come out
and they won’t leave
they just stare at me with their yellow eyes telling me i need to change
and be less like myself.
they tell me to put away the harry potter
be ok with misogyny
get a better butt
face
legs
and hands
and the worst part is that
their faces resemble mine
yet they don’t
they accent all the things wrong with me
they talk too much
like me
they are not pretty
like me
they have weird eyebrows
like me
they are my monsters
but when people start talking again
they hide themselves away
until the next time the world is silent