I hated

Your big blue eyes when they looked up at me

My heart would suddenly fluster

Words would be stuck

As I try to pour them out to say how I felt

I hated

How when the words would only pour out

When I had a bit of liquid courage

Nothing could go wrong then

It was words that stuck to me like glue

Because I feared

I feared

Your big blue eyes

How the first time I looked into them

You rolled them at me

I feared

About the impression I would give you

The impression that would later be how you felt towards me

You don’t know me

You never will

 

I hated

How much I told you

From my childhood to my darkest secrets

Yet you still managed to make me feel like a ghost

I hated

When you mentioned my dark past

My heart slowly paced slower with the flashbacks

Flashbacks

Of cries for help

Flashbacks of things a young girl should never go through

You made that person reappear

The more you talked about her

The more I mourned

 

I hated

How much I loved you

The perfection that surround you began to be all lies

Remember when you told me you loved me?

I hated

That when I told you I loved you

I was so afraid to

I knew

it wasn’t real

That you felt the same way

I knew

You would run away eventually

And in the end I was right

You did in my darkest moments

 

I hated

How when I was sick

You cut me out as if I were dead

You felt pity for yourself and let everyone around you do too

I hated

When I went to see my favourite band

You know the one where you and I were going to go to?

You went with another girl

Used

I felt used

Used for my body

Then throw out like an old toy

Used

Like your first car learning how to drive

Then going on to better things

I hated it

 

I hate

Your blue eyes when they look up at me

I hate

That you look like your 12

I hate

How you made me feel

I hate

It when you freak out over nothing

I hate

That I was so naïve and fell for you

Most importantly

I hate you.