I fucking hate that I don't fucking hate you

It's strange that I insisted that I wouldn't fall for you

but now when I remember the way you smiled 

that morning when we smoked half your pack

i get this surge of

painful energy throughout my body 

and I don't think you really broke my heart 

but you broke 

me

you caressed my scarred skin

and spouted sentence after sentence about how I 

was perfect 

and I was art

and I was smooth and sweet like cream but kept you from sleep like strong 

espresso

and I can't help but ask that

while I was too busy falling for you instead of

letting you inside

letting you take my innocence 

mead that all you wanted?

was I not enough for you?

the very next night you left the same marks on her neck

but the difference now was 

you got what you wanted

someone who could actually fulfill your lustful needs 

and

even though just moments before you told me 

"I like her...but I love you"

you chose her

why?

because my body doesn't compare

my face doesn't compare

my inability to let you expose me for your pleasure

My skin

the bags under my eyes

my failure to cooporate 

oh my god I just want to ask what I did wrong

that night

what happened that made you change your mind

what action lead to your choice of 

her over me?

i mean I could see why anyone would 

but I guess I'm just confused 

because you made me trust you

even though I knew she trumped me in every way possible

i trusted you when you said

"but I love you."

now I just want to talk to you in person

i don't want you gone 

I wish so much you'd come back

i wish so much I could laugh with you

destroy my lungs with you

Loose sleep with you

end my life with you 

just once more 

but you tried to use me to fill your needs

and when I didn't comply you threw me out like the trash

am

and now just like trash you want me gone

cant stand to have me in your sight

and while I sit rotting into the soil miles away from where you touched me the first and last time

youll forget

and you'll be fine 

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