I FEEL IT

 

Its like 7.30

And am on the roadside chilling

Feeling the rhythm of feelings

Inside my heartbeats trembling

Till she said hi

And I said hi too

Less did I know that was blues

Cueing in the next pain

For they walked away

And I still have the next 30

 

Cops came over and said

Your head light is gone sir

I know officer, 

I just want to get home

East or west they will always

Get the closest being

For it was all a misunderstanding

But am just good at masking it

Trauma after trauma

Am just good at hiding it

 

The officer gave me

Back my license

And said you’ re good to go

I put my headsets on and head for my hood

She came by and said sorry

For it was all a misunderstanding

I said fine….. sure, but I was burning

Deep down inside of me was aching

For the pain was too much ingesting

Me from the core

And mama said its okay.

 

I felt the cold

Spreading down my cheeks

Maybe the warmth was sold

Or the cold air with kicks

I didn’t know it was tears of regrets

Till I feel the wetness in my beards

A numbness formed in bones

And crept to my mind

Robbing me of focus

And I lost the next 30 into loneliness

I can’t say hi for the fear

Was already tacked inside my bones

What if I shook their hands again?

What if they said I talked to them again?

What if the incrimination owns the gain again?

 

 

Left with ponding heart

I locked my door

I can’t cry no more for the tears hurt

And to be honest am scared of the pain

I had a plan of jumping down the Sky Lounge

But I was scared of crushing down the beautiful plants

For they were just busy watching the sun set

And I wasn’t scared of dying either

Are you okay sir? A voice asked me

I couldn’t move my eyes but I had a phone in my hands

And Graham Lukas was saying, ‘Mama said that its okay’

I went back inside and listened to Clayton Jennings

And he was telling me, ‘Please don’t die.’

 

The regret is attached to my heart

Like an amorous feeling

But she can’t see it though she said sorry

I know it hurts but it’s okay

If we can trade shoes

Maybe we can understand each other better

But that will take time

I know it’s okay not to be okay

But the pain is too much

And I wish you can feel it

Now that you know my story

I wish that I know yours

For you can’t feel the pain

Only God knows how it feels

And he always weeps my tears away

For there is no one who can do it

Coz you can’t feel it.

 

@Okelo Sejo