deeperthanthebigbluesea:

It’s late and I

can’t think

straight

x

It’s late and I

start to feel

the hate

x

And I don’t know what to do anymore

curl up crying on the floor where I

belong

x

So worthless in every way I

can’t even stop drowning for two seconds

To grab the hand that will save me and it’s just

icy

cold water

washing over me because

I can’t fight it anymore 

and I drown

x

Inside I’m crying

pouring

tears down my face and

screaming

clawing at my skin the demons scream

let me in let me in

I’m too tired to open the door for them I just

let them bang, bang, bang until they win

And maybe it will finally kill me

x

And they look me straight in the eye

people

they do they look at me and they say

your voice is so melodic

not dead and dry

your

hair is shiny and your smile is bright and

your laugh is as healthy as ever I don’t see

how you could be depressed

anxious

dying

still sinking all the way down into this abyss

x

Time isn’t a thing anymore it’s just

a number

and a rule

if I take these pills I will

sleep

for a long time and then

when I wake up I can see you again and you will

numb me, just like you always do

tell me that you love me and I know it’s true but

you leave my side and then I don’t know

is everything still alright?

x

It’s late and I

still can’t think

straight

x

If I

stay up anymore I could

write this poem forever

this

strange poem

with no

rhythm or

meaning just

empty words of my empty heart spilling

what they matter to you is not

for I am not

and I feel not

and it

doesn’t matter

x

worthless

in every way

still worthless when I

wake up

every day

and now

it’s time to go to bed tonight but I

will lay here and try hard

to not die anymore inside

xx