I used to have dreams.
I would fly in the sky a whole bunch
or I would meet fantastic characters only my head could imagine
or I would go on crazy adventures with random people and in the end I would wake up and write the dream down cause it was so good
but now 
I don't dream.
I go to bed filled with worries and doubts
with self hate and gloom 
with imagination stoned from the strains of school
or even worse
I don't get sleep.
my imagination escaped from my dreams long ago
haunting my reality with terrible fantasies
monsters in my closet
murderers in the hallway
my deepest fears that can't stay in my head for if they do they make my head implode and cry so much without a sound being heard
or
I force myself to dream.
my dreams are no longer dreams, but nightmares
I get so scared of life and imagination mixing together into a gumbo of angst and depression and eventual contemplation of death that I turn the light on and put my head to the pillow and hope that life will turn out right
and I nightmare
I nightmare so much that waking up and sleeping are indistinguishable
I am sleeping and walking and being awake all at the same time
and I can't stop
I can't stop nigh-tmaring about the monsters
I must keep my closet shut
I must not venture out into the darkness
I must not be awake
I must not be asleep
I daydream about the dreams I used to have
no scary monsters that I am more afraid of now than I was as child
no thinking about death because you are so terrified of it that you cry yourself to sleep 
I wait for a time when I can dream fantasies like I used to
but it is only a wish
and nothing can make it come true
because
I can't dream.