I stand here before you with a smile on my face

trying to determine my place in this race for success.

Internally I am bleeding, bleeding out the lies and hate I force upon myself daily.

I wake up each morning ready for  a new day of pain.

I grab my mask and place it securely upon my face to hide the disgrace I feel for myself.

Disgrace that runs deep in my marrow drowning me in sorrow, beating me till I'm numb.

I'm done,

I want this end but instead it continues on and on.

Why?!

Why am I not able to find the beauty everyone sees in me?

Why can't I see myself as the strong young girl I describe in my poetry.

I want confidence to flow out of me; but instead, it's only misery.

The weight of my feelings sitting atop my shoulders preparing to run free, crushing me.

Forcing me to be someone I'm not, I want it to stop.

So,

I stop it.  

I stand here before you with a smile on face

trying to determine my place in this race to find ME.

So I look in the mirror and I finally see

I am strong. I am beautiful.

I am...

Standing before you ending my pain to gain that sense of worth I've lacked.

I take off the mask and reveal my imperfections.

The ones that make me beautiful.

The ones that make me who I am.

And I am...