It was a long and treacherous path

It was dark and gloomy

Tiring and weary

 

I didn't want to go

 

It was a warm May day

It was too much for me to bear

Eye-opening

 

I didn't want to go

 

It was a bright spring morning

It was the first time to ever see my grandpa cry

Heartbreaking

 

I didn't want to go

 

It was a cool summer night

It was the day childish curiosity changed everything

Misguided and alone

 

I didn't want to go

 

Days and weeks

Months and years

I think back to every single time I just

didn't want to

 

Refused

 

Refusing becomes abandonment

Refusing becomes divorce

Refusing becomes separation

Refusing becomes death

 

Abandonment of friends

Divorce from my soul-mate

Separation from my family

Death of my sweet, little sister

 

Days and weeks

Months and years

These moments of life explode like a bullet to my head

Those days that seems so out of reach;

 

a lifetime ago

 

But where would I be without them?

 

Without the death of my sister

I would still be in Oklahoma

My brothers would not have been born

People I would have never met

Places I would have never been

Good and bad...

 

Without the separation from my family

I would still be in a world of violence and hate

A world full of drugs and abuse

A world too much for a small child to handle

Dark nights that would have killed me

 

Without the divorce from my husband

I would not be given this opportunity

Opportunity to reach fro my dreams

Dreams that I threw away for him

Dreams that are now an obtainable reality

One that was always right in front of me

 

But the most important of all...

 

Without the abandonment of my "friends"

I wouldn't have this new found empathy

or wisdom

This new longing to be the best I can be

The realization of who I am

Where I want to go-

that kick-start of desire

 

Desire to show the world that I CAN!

 

I can be whoever I want to be

 

No one

Nothing

EVER
 

Can nor will hold me back any longer

 

I am Kimberly Ann Sodowsky

 

I am me...

 

and now I finally know what that means