I only wish I could not feel

because I am too ashamed to.

Some seed in the slumbers

of my soul is alive for you.

 

When I sleep and eat

my frame prays with hope to God,

but your seed bears root to 

nourish my hands and feet.

 

I try to sketch you as wretched

and broken, ugly and insignificant,

but your brokenness warms this

frigid shell.

 

Your beauty renews my eyes

to our living world; and the

seed of your soul has fallen

from the same source as mine.

 

If I could only embrace you

once without anything against me.

Absent the world

Absent the doubts

Absent my family

Absent my sorrow

Absent the truth that to love you, 

I must let you free to never love me.

 

Even I am afraid I am incapable

fully loving

fully feeling love

Given anyone would choose me

Given my desire for control of these roots

Given fear’s grasp on my roots

Given our difference

Given our recklessness

 

Can I not just free you?

 

I cannot find myself with some man,

for in the other world I may be one,

but I cannot see myself with you

or those alike

from the guilt my instincts have been

manipulated to impose.

 

I love you.

Can I not just hug you?

 

Hug both of our pains until they melt.

But you fear anyone who touches you

Because they hurt you.

So too, they hurt me.

 

Let me tie just one of our roots

- pretend this moment is forever.