I walked toward you.

You, holding an empty handle

Connected to a door that opened to nowhere I wanted to go.

You called it an adventure,

A trip that lasted a full day,

Two if you were lucky.

You said you needed an escape from life.

No car could drive you there,

But the fumes that came out of it could,

No sharpie could mark an X on a map,

But if you had the cap off long enough,

You could forget where you were going,

Why you were here in the first place.

 

Don’t tell me I’ve got it all wrong,

Just because you can’t see the truth,

Shining over your head

like the star in the east.

 

You texted me over Christmas break.

Popping pills like bubble wrap when you’re stressed

Too far away to help,

Too close to you to do nothing.

I pray to a God I don’t believe in.

Please, don’t take my best friend

It seems like nothing will help.

 

If you need a hit to feel good

I will smack you until you bleed.

Until you fall to the ground

Begging for mercy.

Begging me to make the pain stop,

The hallucinations to go away,

I will look at you the way I look at my mother when break the 9^th commandment.

“I can resurrect you.”

 

You stand up just to feel the buzz of a bee in your ear.

Decide you’ve had enough liquid courage to slide the boulder and come out of your cave.

You treat me like your baby cub.

When really, I’m the one trying to protect you

From the angels who no longer as a threat

But as a weak piece of prey.

 

I get down on my knees

Fold my hands like a napkin

Press them to my chest like it’s a panic button

“Father, forgive me, for I know not what I do.”

It’s true

I don’t remember calling you

On the night peer pressure became one of my disciples.

Told myself in order to save them, I must board the arc.

Promised to rebuild the humans when the flood of Tequila was done

I bit off more fruit than I could chew.

I clung to my cup like I would to my virginity if my name were Mary

Made myself believe poison could somehow make me feel safe

Feel loved

Feel something

Feel Anything

 

Blue eyed boy named Christian,

Feel my body

Feel my pulse

Control me

I am a puppet in the hands of the devil.

Pull me down

Brush me off

Bend my strings until they break
 

Rewrite my will

I’m giving everything I posses to you. Do what you want with me

Reteach my morals

My faith is the negative end of a stripped wire. Bare to the bone.

Replace my tongue

I burn it again and again

On liquid from a bush

My words now slur

My thoughts have amnesia

My knees are bruised from blowing smoke up to heaven

 

Sinning is just another Friday night

Your body is a sacrifice.

Actions are your crucifixion

Spread for any guy who calls you princess

Ignore the crown of thorns on your head

When you scream and cry and feel the pain of his nails digging into your skin

Remind yourself,

This is how you save the ones you love.