I’m learning to laugh again. The happiness that was so quickly stolen from my life finds its way back to me as if we were connected by a string, once severed, now mended back together. Though it is the same happiness I once was so familiar with, it is now a stranger in my life. Because once it was torn from me the injuries it had sustained were injuries it would carry with it until its dying breath. My happiness didn’t smile as much anymore. He was far less trusting. My happiness didn’t talk about himself for fear of coming off as needy. It hurt him to laugh and falling in love was now the scariest thing in the world to him. That magnificent feeling that lifted me like hot air, now felt like a lead weight around my ankles. My past was the night sky forever chasing my hopeful and bright future. At this point all that lingered in me was the fear that one day the moon would finally catch up to the sun destroying it without the chance to ever fight back. At some point I have to realize that struggling is useless, that eventually pain will enter my life, sometimes by sheer force of will and sometimes by invitation. But, pain like every other feeling is an irreplaceable part of my life. I can either deny its existence in my life or recognize its worth. Pain and pleasure. Happiness and sadness. Love and indifference. They’re all there for a reason and it’s our job to understand why. And just as we are ever changing individuals, so are our emotions. The way I loved you yesterday will never be the same way I love you now. And that’s a beautiful thing to know that something so immaculate can always grow. We can be happy and ignorant for our entire lives, but until we open our eyes and welcome pain we can never truly appreciate happiness. Sometimes I feel like people only understand the price of pain without ever seeing its worth. At this point all I have to say is never turn down the opportunity to grow, because even though everything about my life hurts, I know that eventually like myself that hurt will change. And I have every hope that it will be for the better.

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