Hallowed Corpses and mutters
All this pain from yesterday
I feel so alone
At home
With only the bottle as my friend
And again, replaced empty spaces with delusions of happiness
I sit here crying
I feel like I'm dying
I'm so sick
So sick of me
My heart has been broken
For a bit now
I feel unsure
Of myself
How can I love
When I don't have any of my heart left to give?
I'm so alone
I just need someone to hold me
And tell me
They want me
I'm so alone
But I don't want anyone to touch me
Or tell me
They want me
I'm a contradictary disease
Twisted flesh of regret
I want to be wanted
But I don't want to be wanted
I want to love, to be loved
But I can't handle it, it terrifies me
I feel...
So hollow
And empty
I don't know how to survive
I never have been very good at being happy
My negativity overflowing
Drowning me like it's a game
At least...
I got to experience love
And still do
So much...
It kills me inside
I put on my best smile
But, underneath I'm broken
I can't have anyone too close
It's too dangerous
Everyone will die or leave
I feel like a walking corpse
The traces of beauty overgrown with filth and decay
I don't know if I can take this much more
I'm drunk and lonely
I just need someone to hold me
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be with anyone
I don't know what I want
I'm so confused
I want something and once I have it, I don't
I don't want to feel this way
This frayed
I fill in the empty gaps with emotionless sex
and alcohol and drugs
Anything to dumb my brain
No one will ever understand
I don't even understand
You fettered hands caress me
I feel alive
My skin is on fire
You want me
You kiss me
You fuck me
You fill the emptiness within me
I breath out
Before I break down
Smoke another cig and think..
This cannot be it.
There must be so much more.
Than this sadness
I feel...
Like I don't want to live
But I cannot die
I've tried and tried
Each time I don't die
I wonder why...
Is there something else?
To take away my doubt
About
This empty parking lot of my existence
I just hold my self and cry
Maybe I should stop drinking
I wish I could stop thinking
I wish I wasn't so fucking alone
I wish I could turn myself around and not care
But I do...
I care too much...
About everyone's pain
and my own
I feel dead inside
There's something in me that's broken
A clock that's stopped ticking
I can't take this pain anymore...
I can't take it...
But I'll have to take it on the chin
Lift up my shield and battle again
I can't give up
Not now
Not ever.
I just want to fly
I just want to be held
I want to me free from the chains I've locked myself in
I want to live
I have to try....