Hallowed Corpses and mutters

All this pain from yesterday

 

I feel so alone

At home

With only the bottle as my friend

And again, replaced empty spaces with delusions of happiness

 

I sit here crying

I feel like I'm dying

I'm so sick

So sick of me

 

My heart has been broken

For a bit now

I feel unsure

Of myself

 

How can I love

When I don't have any of my heart left to give?

 

I'm so alone

I just need someone to hold me

And tell me

They want me

 

I'm so alone

But I don't want anyone to touch me

Or tell me

They want me

 

I'm a contradictary disease

Twisted flesh of regret

 

I want to be wanted

But I don't want to be wanted

I want to love, to be loved

But I can't handle it, it terrifies me

 

I feel...

So hollow

And empty

I don't know how to survive

 

I never have been very good at being happy

My negativity overflowing

Drowning me like it's a game

 

At least...

I got to experience love

And still do

 

So much...

It kills me inside

 

I put on my best smile

But, underneath I'm broken

 

I can't have anyone too close

It's too dangerous

Everyone will die or leave

 

I feel like a walking corpse

The traces of beauty overgrown with filth and decay

I don't know if I can take this much more

I'm drunk and lonely

I just need someone to hold me

 

I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be with anyone

I don't know what I want

 

I'm so confused

I want something and once I have it, I don't

I don't want to feel this way

This frayed

 

I fill in the empty gaps with emotionless sex

and alcohol and drugs

Anything to dumb my brain

No one will ever understand

I don't even understand

 

You fettered hands caress me

I feel alive

My skin is on fire

You want me

You kiss me

You fuck me

You fill the emptiness within me

 

I breath out

Before I break down

Smoke another cig and think..

 

This cannot be it.

There must be so much more.

Than this sadness

 

I feel...

Like I don't want to live

But I cannot die

I've tried and tried

Each time I don't die

I wonder why...

 

Is there something else?

To take away my doubt

About

This empty parking lot of my existence

 

I just hold my self and cry

Maybe I should stop drinking

I wish I could stop thinking

 

I wish I wasn't so fucking alone

I wish I could turn myself around and not care

 

But I do...

I care too much...

About everyone's pain

and my own

 

I feel dead inside

There's something in me that's broken

A clock that's stopped ticking

 

I can't take this pain anymore...

I can't take it...

 

But I'll have to take it on the chin

Lift up my shield and battle again

 

I can't give up

Not now

Not ever.

 

I just want to fly

 

I just want to be held

 

I want to me free from the chains I've locked myself in

 

I want to live

 

I have to try....

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741