Hallowed Corpses and mutters

All this pain from yesterday


I feel so alone

At home

With only the bottle as my friend

And again, replaced empty spaces with delusions of happiness


I sit here crying

I feel like I'm dying

I'm so sick

So sick of me


My heart has been broken

For a bit now

I feel unsure

Of myself


How can I love

When I don't have any of my heart left to give?


I'm so alone

I just need someone to hold me

And tell me

They want me


I'm so alone

But I don't want anyone to touch me

Or tell me

They want me


I'm a contradictary disease

Twisted flesh of regret


I want to be wanted

But I don't want to be wanted

I want to love, to be loved

But I can't handle it, it terrifies me


I feel...

So hollow

And empty

I don't know how to survive


I never have been very good at being happy

My negativity overflowing

Drowning me like it's a game


At least...

I got to experience love

And still do


So much...

It kills me inside


I put on my best smile

But, underneath I'm broken


I can't have anyone too close

It's too dangerous

Everyone will die or leave


I feel like a walking corpse

The traces of beauty overgrown with filth and decay

I don't know if I can take this much more

I'm drunk and lonely

I just need someone to hold me


I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be with anyone

I don't know what I want


I'm so confused

I want something and once I have it, I don't

I don't want to feel this way

This frayed


I fill in the empty gaps with emotionless sex

and alcohol and drugs

Anything to dumb my brain

No one will ever understand

I don't even understand


You fettered hands caress me

I feel alive

My skin is on fire

You want me

You kiss me

You fuck me

You fill the emptiness within me


I breath out

Before I break down

Smoke another cig and think..


This cannot be it.

There must be so much more.

Than this sadness


I feel...

Like I don't want to live

But I cannot die

I've tried and tried

Each time I don't die

I wonder why...


Is there something else?

To take away my doubt


This empty parking lot of my existence


I just hold my self and cry

Maybe I should stop drinking

I wish I could stop thinking


I wish I wasn't so fucking alone

I wish I could turn myself around and not care


But I do...

I care too much...

About everyone's pain

and my own


I feel dead inside

There's something in me that's broken

A clock that's stopped ticking


I can't take this pain anymore...

I can't take it...


But I'll have to take it on the chin

Lift up my shield and battle again


I can't give up

Not now

Not ever.


I just want to fly


I just want to be held


I want to me free from the chains I've locked myself in


I want to live


I have to try....


Need to talk?

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