If this were happening right now I would probably be crying. Mainly because you're in heaven right now. I didn't have the luxury to say goodbye or even meet you grandma. We were limited to talks on the phone and stories from my older siblings. When I heard that you passed I felt bad for crying because we didn't have a strong emotional connection like you did with my older brothers or sisters. They grew up living with you and enjoying your cooking, talking and having a person that will be there for you unconditionally.  I felt bad that my pain could never match their and when they would tell stories about you if just smile and laugh pretending I knew what they were saying, smiling the pain. Although we never got to meet you were of great influence and importance in my life. I love you grandma.