Dear Grandpa,

 

It has been 4 months,

I have been on the go the whole time;

I've hardly stopped to breathe.

 

I run from 4 am to 7 pm

I feel I now understand day to day.

I feel as if I'm in an endless marathon,

With no finish line in sight.

 

I have been focused,

I have been giving work and school my all.

I have not cried since the day I said goodbye.

I have not stopped by to say Hi,

for fear of the pain.

 

I have not looked back

at the old property

I have not seen your mountain.

I see red and black cows in the fields;

as I drive and I can't help

But swell up thinking

“I wonder where they are".

 

You were the root to our family,

You are what helped create our family.

You were strong,

All work,

Stable.

You were smart and funny,

You were empathic and proud.

You are one,

That won't be forgotten.

 

I wish I would have seen you before;

Going into a place

That's not your home was unbearable.

Now I am here,

and you are up there

Looking out for your family

Between here and Cali

between the 10 kids

The 22 grandchildren.

You have taught me so much.

You had so much love for all of us.

I just wish you were back,

To see us all bloom and shine,

To see what you started and accomplished.

You were caring and clever.

 

Grandma misses you

She has been strong through this whole mess,

You were in her life since 72’,

You were her boss,

Her husband,

Her rock.

 

Her and I hold onto your stories deeply.

I wish your memories don’t fade away,

I hope whatever becomes

Of what you left

Will always have your spirit present.

 

I hope one day

I can be as strong,

As courageous

As you were.

 

I hope I don't lose sight of my future

I hope I don't lose sight

Of what you stood for.

I hope you’re happy now

I hope you’re not in pain.

I hope you can hold your son

I hope you walk

As stern as before.

 

I hope you knew,

You were going to be missed

I hope you know,

We’re all doing fine

Just all going in different directions.

 

Love Always,

Julie Beardslee