To the Girl Who Does Not Know

Thu, 01/18/2018 - 16:39 -- lcupal

You will have to be brave

That is the first thing I will tell you

There is no one to be brave for you, and being you requires a lot of bravery

Because you will be afraid

eyeswidehandsshakingearscoveredtremblingallover

afraid

All you will want to do is close your eyes

and wish the vicious sounds away

But you can’t be that girl

life will teach you this soon enough.

You will be broken

By so many people and in so many different ways

and who can count scars upon scars upon scars? 

The first few times, you will try

to pick up the pieces

Later on, you will not bother

Yet you must teach yourself

how to touch your shards

Even though it hurts

even though it makes you bleed

Because only you will be able to hold them to the light

and for the love of God will you need to see them held to the light

Because despite all the other things that will draw hatred from your heart,

you will hate nothing quite like those shards

You will want to hurl them

and their mocking reflections 

With all the caged fury of a robbed dreamer

until they are nothing

but dust.

But you will learn: you can never raze them all

You will destroy yourself

and you will do it again

and again

and again.

Somedays, you will not know you are in the process of self-annihilation.

Somedays, you will, but won’t care.

But in the end, you will fight

teeth bared and knuckles red

because if you don’t fight, you will die

and while I know death could bring release

I promise you, there are moments to fight for still

You will lose

and each time, that loss will almost end you

One time it will

and you will fully grasp just how heavy empty space can feel.

You will learn that just because love is simple, it is never easy

and that caring is worthless without wisdom

 

But let me tell you this dear child

You will find the beauty in a scarred heart

You will find the light in a million shards

You will find that hope may be cruel, but it is never worthless

Because for all that has been ruined,

You will not become just one more wrecked thing

and though you may be bloody, bruised, broken, 

and in pain so great you can barely stand

You will stand

And then?

The world will fall at your feet

and you will know 

finally 

the sacred power of survivors

And then, and only then, my dear, dear girl

Will you meet me.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

lcupal

This poem is to my younger self, specifically, the day that I learned my father was leaving.  In the decade since, I have experienced several devastating family losses and events, so this is me telling my nine-year-old self who she will have to be to get through the hard times. 

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741