To the Girl Who Does Not Know
You will have to be brave
That is the first thing I will tell you
There is no one to be brave for you, and being you requires a lot of bravery
Because you will be afraid
eyeswidehandsshakingearscoveredtremblingallover
afraid
All you will want to do is close your eyes
and wish the vicious sounds away
But you can’t be that girl
life will teach you this soon enough.
You will be broken
By so many people and in so many different ways
and who can count scars upon scars upon scars?
The first few times, you will try
to pick up the pieces
Later on, you will not bother
Yet you must teach yourself
how to touch your shards
Even though it hurts
even though it makes you bleed
Because only you will be able to hold them to the light
and for the love of God will you need to see them held to the light
Because despite all the other things that will draw hatred from your heart,
you will hate nothing quite like those shards
You will want to hurl them
and their mocking reflections
With all the caged fury of a robbed dreamer
until they are nothing
but dust.
But you will learn: you can never raze them all
You will destroy yourself
and you will do it again
and again
and again.
Somedays, you will not know you are in the process of self-annihilation.
Somedays, you will, but won’t care.
But in the end, you will fight
teeth bared and knuckles red
because if you don’t fight, you will die
and while I know death could bring release
I promise you, there are moments to fight for still
You will lose
and each time, that loss will almost end you
One time it will
and you will fully grasp just how heavy empty space can feel.
You will learn that just because love is simple, it is never easy
and that caring is worthless without wisdom
But let me tell you this dear child
You will find the beauty in a scarred heart
You will find the light in a million shards
You will find that hope may be cruel, but it is never worthless
Because for all that has been ruined,
You will not become just one more wrecked thing
and though you may be bloody, bruised, broken,
and in pain so great you can barely stand
You will stand
And then?
The world will fall at your feet
and you will know
finally
the sacred power of survivors
And then, and only then, my dear, dear girl
Will you meet me.