My anxiety’s suffocating me.

I thought I was sinking

but really I’m floating

with my head in the water.

I’m drowning with air just above me.

And I’m trying to lift my head

but I’m paralyzed by fear.

They say I’m dramatic

but I’m a Deadman

with no motivation to end the game.

You can’t see me crying

in a sea of tears.

Some are my own

but we’re all drowning down here.

Some have sunk to the bottom,

staring up into the blue.

A few reach up with hope

but the rest have given into the burning in their lungs.

We say it’s not fair that we suffer,

but we know it’s our job

to carry everyone else’s burdens.

And sometimes we surface

and fill our lungs with words we work so hard to say.

But the air is harsh and cold,

so we just... slip away.

It’s impossible to be normal

so I never try,

but human seemed an attainable lie.

Though, it’s easier to lower expectations

by embracing the water.

I feel like a fish out of water

In an ocean of predators.

My heart seems to be hardening

and I try to be open

and confess to my lies,

but in reality my truths are just a glass tank

around the reality I hide.

The tears on my face are boiling

and my words are steaming.

I rise to the surface in a cloud of humid anger.

A storm rages from my eyes,

forcing my sadness onto the land.

and for one moment they get it.

They’re swimming in fear,

but the water dries

and they go back to their pedestals.

I need emotion in my life.

I need anger and fear

and love and passion.

Some want to go numb,

but I just want it to be okay to be in the water.

I need to go swimming sometimes.

They’ve all dipped their toes,

but they’ll never take the plunge.

They don’t know how to float

or breathe in the liquid depression.

Some freeze the top of their pond of sadness

and walk on thin ice.

They fake a smile

and try not to crack,

try not to sink.

Others watch,

watch the children splashing

in the shallow end,

While their parents make waves in deep water.

The “stable” pollute our rivers

with their stream of lies,

their magic solutions,

potions and pills…

But what do I know?

I’m just a fish in the sea of anxiety.