Finding my voice

Mon, 03/04/2019 - 15:07 -- Donasia

Do you know how it feels to be so small in comparison to everyone else? And I'm not talking physically. I'm always the quiet girl with no opinions on any topic. I'm the quiet girl who always falls behind when a doorway is too small for all four of my friends. And lastly i'm the girl who fades out into silence when it seems like people aren't paying attention to me in a group conversation. I'm the lone wolf. Have that anxiety on top of your shoulders for 8 years straight and let me know how it feels to be so small.

 

I joined this program called Girls inc. Teen leadership academy. The word that caught me was leader, something I was not. My school guidance counselor actually suggested I do it. My first day I was so nervous. I was the last girls to join so by the time I got there which was 3 weeks late my fellow Girls inc. girls and mentors already had this bond. I made a fool out of my self during snack time. These containers must of been child proof  because it took everything in me to rip the seal off. But when it did popcorn launched out everywhere. It was almost like that Ziploc commercial but less epic. later on we made collages of the young women we wanted to become. I went through this magazine and this strip of writing included "Write a Kick-Ass Speech" That stood out to me because not only do I not talk to people im supposedly close with but I certainly don't talk to people I don't know especially a large group of people I don't know. I knew public speaking is a skill I needed to work on especially if I wanted to be a self proclaimed leader. Who knew I'd be eating my words.

 

We found out a month later we'd have a banquet where we would have to deliver speeches. I was weirded out by the girls reaction to this. They were almost as anxious as me. Alot of the girls were like what you'd call "popular" meaning they talk to everyone; they weren't shy girls whatsoever, and that's what I admired about them. We used our last month to prepare our speeches but we all waited until the second to last week to finish.

 

At the banquet I was a nervous wreck as our head mentor had annouced we would start our speeches and that she'd pick the order. That made my stomach drop and my heart jump. I was just hoping I wasn't the first or even up to third. I was on the brink of a panic attack, but those girls speeches empowered me to suck it up and be strong smart and bold. When my name was called it was almost out of body. I felt like I was an onlooker. I got up and brought up my speech. "Look back at your at where you came from and let yourself feel proud about your progress: I can finally say that I can relate to this quote because Girls inc. has changed me for the better. And I am very proud of myself and everyone in this room."  As I went on in an assertive tone like they had taught me I had finished. That was the hardest thing mentally that I had to do but, It was worth it. All the claps and congratulations from the girls made my self confidence grow a smidge. Afterwards I kept going. We had to network with other business women associated with colleges and or Girls inc. I was handing out my business card so they could contact me. It was sad because my mentors the women who made me stronger I would no longer see. And the girls and I would become strangers just like before. I learned that I was given a mouth to speak with and I shall use it. My mouth, my words, my voice. Although to this day I'm still anxious about public speaking I'm not on the verge of a panic attack. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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