This self-hate in me continues to grow

I feel like a monster, but not within

I’m not bad I tell myself, yet everyone runs from me

They comment on my actions and the consequences of not shutting up and swallowing my words

I win me nothing but heartache

I’m seen as sensitive for doing something they call reacting, is this not responding?

When faced with crudeness how else shall I react?

To not be allowed to have my own voice and voice my own feelings is to close down the door to my own identity

I question my own sanity, my own morals and ethics

This is my being, and for it, I get punished

They say it’s to better me, that others will hurt me worse if I keep at it

But so far, no ones hurt me as bad as them.

My heart hurts and my head whirls

. . . if there is no solution, let that be it

As I wholeheartedly refuse to give in