Faith
Location
Dawns light slices through my windowpane .
I can't bear to open my eyes.
Because,
I know another day is upon me.
I walk the halls and hear their whispers,
See their smirks,
Feel the disdain,
I never asked to be treated this way.
I did nothing to deserve this.
And yet,
I forge ahead.
Knowing that You are watching over me.
I will not be a victim.
I will stand strong in my faith.
Faith that supersedes all else.
Because even when I feel myself,
Veering off into that familiar canyon of despair .
I know that no matter how deep down I fall,
You will always be there.
To reach into the shadows,
And pull me into Your warm embrace.
Comments
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jmedwards8
Hi!
First, thanks for sharing your work!
Your opening image is so strong and really sets up the intensity of the emotion that follows. The word choice for the light slicing through the window is super effective--good work. The line breaks are effective as well; the short, end-stopped lines in the middle made me stop and kind of take in the speaker's own discomfort and sadness.
That said, what I wanted to see more of was that same fresh emotion you had at the beginning brought into the end. I wanted to feel the "You" pulling the speaker back up as strongly as I felt the dawn light at the beginning. Perhaps you could include some images that evoke safety, warmth, comfort, etc. I wanted to feel that faith as strongly as the speaker does!
One other tiny critique--"bare" in line two should be "bear" :).
Can't wait to see a revision! Happy writing!
Best,
jmedwards8