Alarm rings

Phone shakes

 

Eyes open

Body rises

 

Thoughts appear

Emotions stir

 

A new day begins

 

There's a man in the room

He speaks in whispers

He tells me to put on his mask

He says no one wants to love a boy with scars

He says God won't love me without it

He says the mask is what makes people love me

This mask has a permanent smile

 

He says nobody likes a downer

He says nobody wants to talk to a sensitive, awkward boy

He tells me my friends prefer each other over me

He says the mask is all I have

 

I don't argue

There's nothing I can do

I fight with him throughout the day

But I start believing him

I give in

I place 

My other face

 

My face has seen beauty

My mouth has spoke kindness

My ears have heard love

 

The outward expression of my experience of the world

 

My other face,

The inward expression of my experience of the world

The face that has seen horror

The mouth that has spit vengeance

The ears that have heard hatred

The face that is hidden from everyone else

The face that cries

The face that hurts

The face that is silent

 

My other face

 

The face with no confidence in the eyes

The face with no heart in the words it speaks

The face that is deaf to sound

 

The other face

Yes, my face

My true face

 

Every morning

A mask is placed

Upon my face

 

A smile

Senile

 

Inside,

Madness

The man in the room

His voice in my head saying,

"You're not good enough"

'Why do you bother?"

"Not good enough"

That man's voice echoing too loudly

Feelings hurt too easily

 

My voice never heard

Always ignored

 

Every day

Rinse and repeat

Place upon that mask

The man says it helps

 

I tell him

No more

 

I scream at him

I fight him back

 

I tell him

"I am my own man now"

 

I tell him

"i don't need this anymore"

 

I ignore his words

I believe in myself now

I can live a little now

My face

Smiles

My face cries

My face

My face

MY FACE

 

The other face 

Is no more

 

I am my own man

The other man's voices echo,

Somedays

He whispers of the other face

His face

 

I look up

The sky

Bright

 

And I remember

There's more to life than hiding

Behind something