Slam Behind the Curtain

Explanation

You will never know me, feel free to assume

But because of my decision, you see my nom de plum

I am something different, than what you see outside

But in, I go much deeper, these depths in which I hide

My face, you see I’m happy, quiet and reserved

My heart is so much darker, my mind, it is disturbed

Since I was a child, I’ve known that I was bad

And now I know, though may not show, all that I am is sad

I’ve wasted lots of time, and now that I look back

Everything was done for show, a picture on a rack

I did not know it at the time, the repercussions great

I merely acted out of instinct, now this is my fate

To wander all alone now, no one to call my friend

And I will walk alone like this until the bitter end

When I was a young boy, I thought of childish things

Of what the world would hold for me, and what my life could bring

And then when I was challenged, I stood up to the fight

I threw so many tantrums, not caring wrong or right

But then one day I saw a tear, confused me oh so much

Broken down my cold defenses, by a lost maternal touch

Never again would I be mad, at least I won’t out loud

My feelings will keep to myself, ever billowing shroud

A storm I will tame inside me, protect the ones I love

Not overflow, to those I know, not softly spoken of

And as it starts to build, the water level high

My heart’s tears will I tread, so that you can pass me by

And now that I’m aware of this, I cannot ever tell

No friend could be so close enough that I’d allow a spill

The waters spinning in me now, my stomach turning fast

The pain I’m wrung every last drop, how much more can I last?

But I must go on with life, there’s no turning back now

This monster I have made in me, internal beast endowed

With all the things necessary to tear me up inside

I’m doomed to wander all my life with no one to confide

But I must protect those I love, from everything I feel

Not fair oh no my problems show, to drag upon their heel

My hurts are insignificant, compared to that of theirs

Its better I keep to myself all of my real nightmares

And so it’s not a new thing, the reason that I hide

Simply because I’d rather you see Jekyll and not Hyde

There is too much to care for now, I can never be seen

My life, in me I torture, never again serene

Until one day I find someone who I can let see me

Alone I’ll wander downward slope, oh please just let me be.