Dear younger self,

 

Everything will get better,

It will all come together,

You won’t have to live life emotionless, nothing mattering just to get through each day,

Things will get better,

You will learn to feel again,

What started it all was when dad left,

Your parents are fighting,

your moms crying and your dads leaving,

But things will get better,

you got used to packing for your dads

You’ll see him every other weekend,

And that'll become the norm,

Then your grandmother died and that was the first time you felt guilt,

Guilty for not seeing her before she got cancer,

But you healed,

Dad will leave for war,

Hell be gone a year,

You miss him so badly,

Miss your weekends together,

Counting down the days till you will see him again,

He comes home and everything goes back to normal

You get bullied at school

You think everyone hates you, your only friend left you,

Depression has taken root,

Your out of elementary school now,

Made a new group of friends,

your going to be friends forever, past graduation,

Things will start to look up,

Dad leaves for war again,

Another year he’ll be gone,

He will come back with wounds that will never heal,

His PTSD will haunt him for the rest of his life,

You'll be scared of what's happened to him,

becoming emotionless is how you will deal with it,

You'll learn to take care of him,

Walking him to bed when he's too drunk to stand,

But you will get used to taking care of dad,

Your grandfather dies,

cancer strikes your family once again,

You'll take that hard,

you will blame god,

Crying at night while moms asleep so she can't hear you,

3 months later your dog will die,

You'll take that hard as well,

Depression will take root,

You've never been so emotionless,

Losing interest in the things you love,

2 months later your other dog will die,

You'll keep a bit of her fur to remember her,

It's gotten bad now,

Your anxiety and depression is overwhelming,

You will push your feelings deep down inside of you,

forgetting about them till they resurface again just to be pushed back down,

Your friends have no idea how much pain your in,

Nor does mom,

Just keep your head up everything will get better,

Your a freshman in highschool now,

Your still emotionless,

You've stopped crying,

Your group of friends by your side,

Everything is back to normal,

Junior year you'll date your best friend,

He's great and it will last a long time,

You both will help each other,

Thanks to him you will feel again after 6 years of being emotionless,

you'll be happier than you've ever imagined,

It's all finally coming together,

Everything will get better no matter how dark it all may seem,

Everything will get better.